through Jesus Christ
by Wm. Scott Cosper
At first glance, the term “Unsaved Christian” might seem like a oxymoron. Doesn't the fact that someone is a Christian presuppose that they are saved? Well, not necessarily, at least according to Jesus Christ. At the end of Chapter 7 in the book of Matthew, Jesus is closing out what has come to be known as the “Sermon on the Mount”. Here Jesus is teaching his followers that there are in fact two groups of people- those who are on the way that leads to the one true God, and those who are on the way that leads to destruction. The way to God goes through a narrow gate and there are few on that path and the way of destruction is wide and walked by many. Then, Jesus makes this incredible statement:
Jesus says, “Not everyone who says to me, 'Lord, Lord,' will enter the kingdom of heaven, but the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. On that day many will say to me, 'Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and cast out demons in your name, and do many mighty works in your name?' And then will I declare to them, 'I never knew you; depart from me, you workers of lawlessness.” Matthew 7:21-23 ESV
The first time I read that, after being born again, it sent chills up my spine. I knew exactly who Jesus was talking about, because I was one of the people destined to hear those horrible words. It would have become my reality had I died before the incredible day of which I'm about to describe.
Before I get to that day, let me give you some background. I grew up in church and made a profession of faith when I was 13 years old. After high school, I went to college and didn't go to church, although I thought of it from time to time. Of course, I fully intended to go to church after I got married, because that's what decent southern men do, they take their families to church. But for now I was going to live my life my way. That's exactly what I did. I drank, played and partied away my 20's because it was my “right”. It also cost me dearly.
As God would have it, I ended up living back in my hometown and of course attended church with my parents. It was during this time I met the woman who would become my wife. Now as a married man, just like I always knew I would, I went to church with my wife and as kids came along we took them to church with us. Eventually, we moved closer to the city and joined a church, where we both became very active. I taught Sunday School and discipleship classes, sang in the choir, helped out around the church and eventually became a deacon. During this time my job was requiring me to travel often, which in turn afforded me the opportunity to live it up on the road and act the part of a good Christian husband & father when back in town.
I'd never relinquished my old life, but just added a little church to the one I had. Of course, at that time, I didn't see it that way. I was doing many good deeds and was there to help out when needed at church. I was a good deacon, and I even tithed when I could. My wife and I decided that she would quit teaching and stay home with the kids, and we even adopted a little girl from Vietnam, with help from many in our church.
That brings me back to those verses in Matthew. Notice that the people Jesus is addressing had done many good things. Just like the people Jesus is describing, I had done many good works. I had professed the name of Jesus, witnessed, prayed, tithed, taught, and served in many other ways, all using the name of Jesus. But had I died before the day I describe below I would have spent an eternity with the focus of God's wrath upon my soul because I had sinned against him. My funeral would have been filled with proclamations of how I was a good man in a better place. All the while, I would have been like Lazarus begging to have my lips wet with water and a chance to go back and warn the others. You see, no matter how much I was doing, it wasn't going to change the fact that I was lost in my sin. Thanks be to God I didn't die, for I was to live to see the next day and that day would make all the days that followed different.
It was a beautiful August Sunday morning. In the south, August usually means high temperatures and humidity, but this was a very comfortable day with a slight, almost cool, breeze in the air. Other than that, it was just a typical Sunday morning. As we made our way from Sunday school over to the sanctuary, I made a very unusual comment to my wife. I said, “Honey, for some reason I feel really peaceful today”. It was not something she would have expected to hear from me at that point in our lives. I had been anything but peaceful over the past two years. Life was tearing me down and God seemed to be off helping everyone else, even my enemies.
You see, I wasn't on the road headed toward God on this Sunday morning. I was leaving God. A few months before, I had resigned as a deacon. Two weeks earlier, during preaching, I leaned over and told my wife, “I don't believe any of this”. There is a good chance the pastor was preaching something that had to do with the sovereignty of God. I had a real problem with God's sovereignty. So much so that my wife later told me that I would go into fits of rage if the subject were brought up at home. I don't remember that but I also don't doubt its true. I mean if God was in control why was he allowing all the suffering in the world, why didn't he fix things? I would. Why was it that the worst people I was working with seemed to be so successful, and the good ones seemed to have so much difficulty? Where was God on 9/11? Where was God in all that poverty in Vietnam? Where was God in all this mess? What about fairness? What about justice? No, God wasn't sovereign, he may have created everything but he was an absentee God just waiting to see how well we worked it out.
I didn't know it, but I had become a Deist, not a Christian. Deism says there is a god who created the world but he remains indifferent to it. The point I'm making here is that I didn't work my way up to this day. I wasn't slowly coming to realize I wasn't saved, or that I needed God, I was frustrated with the whole concept of God.
We walked in and sat down in the same seats we had been in since the building was erected. I'd been at this church now 10 years. On this day, a lady by the name of Iris Blue was giving her testimony, and it was a good one as testimonies go. As she approached the end she mentioned that on the day she came to Christ she called her dad. He had been a “Christian” all her life. She told him what happened and this was his response, “That's nice honey, but just don't take this religion thing too far”. Iris said, “As I hung up the phone I knew my father did not know the Jesus that I knew”. At that moment I began to come unglued. Several times in the past few weeks I had said the same thing to my wife. God had used this testimony to show me the true condition of my heart. The battle for my soul was now at hand.
Remember when I said I had a peace coming in to the church that day? Well, it was gone now. I was in a full out war and the forces laid up against me used every trick in the book. I was up against tradition, doctrine, theology, shame, pride, humility and everything else the forces of evil could throw against me. I was shaking on the outside and on the inside I was coming apart. Finally, I made a break for the alter and hit my knees but by the time I got there and began to pray all that was against me had me once again telling God I was going to do better. I had done it before, many times. It seems so ridiculous now but here I was telling God, “I got this, I can handle it, I'll do it right this time.”
I finished my prayer and return to my seat. This time, though, it was worse than before. I had just prayed to God and now I was in worse shape. My mind was racing and I was not really sure what was going on. I couldn't take it any more and in my anguish I actually hit the back of the chair in front of me so hard I hurt my hand. You can see part of me on the tape from the church. I went straight up front this time and spoke to my pastor. By the time I got to him all that was against me had me convinced that what I needed to do was rededicate my life to Christ. So that's what I told my pastor, and I went to the alter to pray again, this time confident I was doing what God was drawing me to do. I won't go into details here but let's be honest, how can someone rededicate their life to something they have never been dedicated to in the first place?
Now when you rededicate your life they keep you up front to announce to the church your decision. I took my place on the center front row but when I set down I was not feeling at all peaceful. The war was still raging and I was somewhat confused. That is when God sent in a warrior to help me. This person walked over to me and putting their hand on my shoulder asked me, “Son, what are you doing?” to which I responded, “rededicating my life to Christ.” I thank God in heaven for what this person said next, “you don't need to rededicate your life you need to get SAVED!” At that very moment I was. I began to pour out my heart to God and he began to pour out His Spirit on me. Other things were going on that morning but I have no recollection of it except what I have seen on tape. I don't remember much that happened after that. I did say something to the church but can't remember what. I do remember getting home and how different everything seemed. I was leaving the next day for Augusta Ga. but being on the road would never be the same again.
I entered church that summer day an “Unsaved Christian” having tried to gain God's blessings on my terms and with my actions. I left church that day a child of the King who now had a repentant heart. For the next few days all I could do was ask God for forgiveness as more and more of my sin seemed to come to my mind. I was going to confess it all if it took the rest of my life. Soon I realized it just might! That week I called my wife to tell her how the grass was greener and sky was ‘bluer’. I was just excited. The blinders were being lifted from my eyes.
There was also an unbelievable desire to study God's Word. I began to pour over scripture and I was asking God to help me read it as if it was my first time, so as to see His words and not let all that I had learned before cloud my mind. Before long I began to wonder how I could have had this book in my possession for my whole life and never have seen the things I was seeing now. My wife would just laugh as the next few months I would burst out of my room and the phrase was always, “Honey your not gonna believe this”.
Now for the first time in my life I really felt like I was on God's side. I wanted what He wanted. God had changed the desires of my heart and he is just now beginning to let me see those desires come true.
I hesitate to say this, but God also took away what I thought was my biggest weakness, alcohol. I do not know why God chose to relieve me of my desire to drink, but I never wanted it again and I had loved it since I was 15 years old. I didn't deserve to be set free, but I praise God for it. For any brother in Christ who might read this and struggles with alcohol, let me tell you, God didn't free me of all my addictions and there were others just as bad, if not worse. I would have to trust in God's Grace for those and fight like hell. I would have to suffer loss and indignity so that God could refine me. I would have to learn to suffer persecution and boldly stand up for truth and trust that God was watching over me and providing for our family. It hasn't been an easy road because it is the road few travel. That process is still going on today and will continue until I am relieved of this flesh in Glory. So you keep enduring in the faith and fight your sin because, knowing its cost, you hate it.
It is so important for those reading this to understand something I have come to know. I brought only one thing to this predetermined moment. Other than that one thing this was all God's doing. He had marked out this day before the foundations of the earth were laid. There was absolutely nothing redeeming about the life I had lived and it was not worthy of salvation. I was running from God and had been for a long time. For what ever reason God didn't let me continue on this path. Why? I don't know other than it was just His will to show off His Grace. He gets all the Glory. Some won't understand this, but I'm convinced, I could not have said no on that day. Who of us can deny the will of a sovereign God? I am sure thankful he wasn't about to let me miss this moment no matter how much I tried to mess it up.
Oh ,what was that one thing I brought to this moment you ask? All I brought was the sin that needed to be forgiven, and Christ took care of that on a hill called Calvary.
TO GOD BE THE GLORY, AMEN!
No longer an “Unsaved Christian”
To Be Continued...
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